Let’s talk motivation. What motivates us to do things? To be who we are? Who motivates us? Do we motivate ourselves?
To say I’ve struggled with motivation would be an understatement. Being unmotivated is probably the thing I’m best at. It’s a super self-sabotaging quality that I have. There’s a beauty to how great I am at being unmotivated. Even writing this I’m thinking of ways to get out of it. But I made this commitment to myself. I’ve given myself deadlines and I must meet them. If I can’t motivate myself to write one bloody blog post a week then where the hell am I going to go in life?
Abso-fuckin-lutley nowhere. That’s where.
This is all part of a bigger picture. Well, that’s what I tell myself.
I feel like motivation and commitment go hand in hand. I’m not sure if anyone else does, but hey this is my blog post.
If we can’t motivate ourselves to commit to things, even as simple as a blog post, how do we expect ourselves to commit to bigger things? Like educational courses, jobs, relationships or even social events. Social events are important guys, don’t ever think they’re not.
In school I struggled with motivation, I didn’t commit to deadlines or group assignments. I was not reliable. It’s not that I wasn’t smart, I’m fairly smart when I actually apply myself, believe it or not. But it seems to take a massive kick up the arse for me to actually find the motivation to start, continue or finish something. Like not being able to graduate, it took me having to repeat a year or potentially not graduating to motivate me to fucking apply myself. I motivated the hell outta myself and graduated with a few awards as well. Plus, a Uni offer. But I look back and think “why the fuck did it take THAT to motivate me?”.
At one point I was homeless (well there were two points) I couldn’t for the life of me get up off my arse and actually plan my future. I was broke, I had no where to live, nothing. All because I wasn’t motivated enough to realise that I was in some deep shit. I couldn’t pull myself out of the hole I was in. A lot of it was to do with my mental health, I couldn’t look beyond the next day. But I look back and think to myself, all I had to do was plan a head, secure myself a job, and I would have avoided all that. I wallowed in that situation for farrr to long. That’s a story for another time.
When I DO commit to something I’m all in, some would say I even have an obsessive personality. I have to be the best at whatever it is that I’m doing, I think about it all day everyday. But holy shit if there’s even an inkling that I might fail or I don’t get something right away, I give up. How shit is that? That’s what I’m trying to break here. I’m trying to motivate the motivation. I’m trying to commit to life here. I don’t want to half arse my way through life anymore. I want to commit and enjoy it, I want to find my purpose. Am I destined to be a housewife for the rest of my life? Am I destined to save lives? Am I destined to write a blog about the tiny midgies that obsess over my house plants? I DON’T KNOW! All I do know is, I need to keep finding the motivation to continue otherwise I’m never going to figure out what the hell I want to do. I need to commit to the motivation.
Using excuses like, “Oh I just don’t feel like it”, or “My index finger is a bit crampy today” FUCK THAT, I’m doing it. I can still type with my middle finger. Somedays I don’t feel like being a mum but obviously I still have to do it. I need to be in that same mindset.
Yes, you run into obstacles but the point of those obstacles is to find a way around them and become stronger. The bigger the obstacle the bigger the success is when you get around it. BREAK THROUGH THE BARRIER!
I don’t think anyone understands how big of an achievement this blog piece is. I was moving into that unmotivated mind set, all week I hadn’t even looked at my blog. I felt nothing when I thought of it. Yet when I started planning it, I felt such passion and love for my safe little space. So, to me this is the first step I may need to beating my toxic cycle of giving up. I’m damn proud of this achievement, no matter how small.
Either way an achievement is an achievement, don’t let anyone steal your thunder.
I’ll just be here feeding my motivation for life.